Alone
by backlash
Summary: 3x4 but not yet someone has hurt Quatre
1. Default Chapter Title

_Disclaimer: I do not own gundam wing or any of the characters_

Authors note: If this story Quatre's fathere didn't die. It's a couple years later. Everything else did happen. Don't be mad but Quatre's family are not going to be very nice. 

# Alone

** By Backlash**

Quatre was alone. He hadn't seen the other Gundam pilots in a year his father forbidded him to see them. His father didn't want Quatre to associate with those kinds of people as he called them. Finally his father had snapped he brutally beat Quatre one day. When he heard Quatre tell Rashid that he was in love with Trowa and wanted to be with him. He threw Quatre out of the house and completely cut him off. Quatre had bruises all over his body where his father had whipped him. Telling him he was sick for loving another boy. How much of a disappointment he's been in the past. 

Quatre didn't know what to do. The only one he had been in contact with is Duo. They would write to eachother. It was the only contact he was able to make. Duo would tell him how the others were doing when he would occasionally run into them. The war had changed many people including his father and his sisters always followed his lead. Constantly tormented by the being thrown out was kind of a relief . at least he would no longer have to deal with their constant put downs.

Luckily he had a little money he had secretly saved but it wouldn't last long. He needed to find a job. He had enough money to last for now though. Duo was worried when suddenly all his letters were returned so he decided to play his father a visit. The door had been slammed in his face after being told that Quatre no longer existed in his eyes. One of his sisters told him the situation. Duo decided to go to Trowa to see if he had heard from him.

As Trowa finished his performance he could have sworn he saw Quatre in the audience. Then he was gone he figured it was just wishful thinking. Duo went to Trowa's trailer and told him the situation. "Why would he throw him out?" he looked at Duo and could tell he knew something. "What aren't you telling me?"   
"I kind of promised but, Quatre wrote to me and about eight months ago his father started beating him." this shocked Trowa why would anyone want to hurt Quatre. "Why would anyone want to hurt someone as sweet and kind as Quatre?"  
"Apparently he wasn't living up to Winner standards."  
"The hell with Winner standards. I should beat that sob for laying a hand on my Quatre."  
"You love him."  
"What? no he's my friend."  
"Keep telling yourself that pal."

Trowa went for a walk to contemplate. I do love him I should have been there to protect him. Why would he stay there if he was being hurt.

The next day Trowa was finishing his performance when he spotted the figure before. It hadn't been his imagination it was Quatre.

He decided to follow him. He ended up at a park he saw him sit on a bench. Quatre was starving but didn't get paid from his job for another couple days. Trowa watched him it was getting late and Quatre was still there. Trowa began to approach Quatre. "Quatre." he looked up at Trowa. He didn't know what to say to him. "I saw you at the circus." added Trowa.  
"Oh you did." Trowa sat next to him.  
"Why didn't you come see me?"  
"I don't know. I guess I didn't want to bother you."  
"A visit from one of my closest friends is never a bother. Duo told me about your father."  


Quatre silent. Trowa put his arm on Quatre's shoulder but he jumped away as though he were afraid he was going to be hit. "I would never hurt you like that Quatre." "I know but I really need to get to work now." he rose up and began to walk when suddenly he collapsed. "Quatre are all right? Quatre." 


	2. Default Chapter Title

_Disclaimer: I do not own gundam wing or any of the characters_

#  Alone : part 2

**by backlash**

Trowa carried Quatre to his trailer and laid him on the bed then he called a doctor. As he watched the doctor examine him the doctor pulled up Quatre's shirt. Trowa had never seen anything like it before. He was so thin you could see his bones. The doctor finished but he didn't have to tell him what's wrong he had seen for himself.

"He is malnourished. From the looks of it he hasn't eaten in a least a month."  
"How could he have survived like that."  
"Probly having something small here and there like a piece of bread. That's not enough he's so small he needs to eat at least three times a day and he's not. If he keeps this up he'll get weaker and weaker until he kills himself."  
"I understand. Thank you doctor."

Trowa watched Quatre sleep. He hadn't noticed before how pale he looked and he had dark circles around his eyes. Yet he kept looking as innocent as ever. Trowa decided right there to help his angel get better no matter what it took.

Quatre began to awaken stretching his arms. Looking around he realized he was in unfamiliar surroundings. He stood up but felt groggy. He almost fell but he grabbed on to a chair. He tried again he had no idea where he was and he was beginning to panic.

Trowa walked in and Quatre jumped. "Trowa? where am I?" Trowa went over to him and took him back to the bed. "My trailer. You passed out remember?"

"yeah. I think so how long was I out?"  
"Not long a few hours. How do you feel?"  
"I'm all right but I have to get to work." he went to get up but Trowa pushed him back down.   
"You can't go anywhere in that condition."   
"You don't understand I'll get fired. I need this job."   
"You can get another when you're better. You're staying here until your well."   
"But.."   
"Not another word. Now what would you like for breakfast?"   
"You know Trowa I had a big dinner. I'm really not that hungry."   
"Quatre I had a doctor look at you. I saw you have to eat or you'll die." Quatre thought to him self . _Like that's a bad thing._

Trowa made them some food nothing to big. Quatre's system needed to get used to eating again. He wished he knew what had been going on he would have help. Why didn't Quatre come to him for help. He watched Quatre fiddle with his food. Finally Quatre took a few bites. He wasn't able to finish it but it was a start. Trowa helped him back to bed and told him to get some rest. Trowa had to go do a performance.

Quatre woke up and figured that Trowa went to work and began to think . Why does Trowa want to help me could he care about me like I do him. No way he's just being a friend. Quatre looked in the mirror and flinched, "Man I look like death." 

Trowa walked in as Quatre was watching a news report about a man who killed himself. No knowing that he was there he said, "You're lucky pal. You're free." Trowa couldn't believe what he had heard. Quatre was hurting more than he had thought.

What do you think so far? 


	3. Default Chapter Title

_Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam wing or any of the Characters_

# Alone: Part 3

**By Backlash**

After hearing what Quatre had said. Trowa decided he needed to keep a close eye on him. Could Quatre be hurting so bad inside that he didn't want to go on. Trowa couldn't allow that he needed him. He loved him and couldn't even think of going on if something happened to his angel. Trowa left Quatre some lunch and went to make a call. He figured that he had eaten it.

When he went to throw something away. He notice a bunch of papers covering it. Which he thought was odd. So he looked under them and all the food Quatre supposedly eaten was there. He knew he would have to make sure from now on that he saw him eat.

Quatre walked in on Trowa. He saw the look on his face the disappointment. He couldn't handle letting anyone else down. It was tearing him up inside. Trowa Quatre kind of just looked at eachother in silence. The silence was driving Trowa crazy and he usually liked it.

"I think I should leave Trowa."  
"Why? because of this? I can help you if you would let me."  
"I can't."  
"Why?"  
"It hurts too much. I can see the disappointment in your eyes." Trowa approached him and said in a kind and neutering voice. "It's not disappointment your seeing. It's worry."

"I'm sorry."  
"Don't apologize. Please just stay."  
"all right. I will for now."

Quatre drifted it off to sleep. He dreamed he was alone in darkness. The darkness wanted to swallow him up. To consume him. Always alone he could see a light in the distance but could never quite reach it. A figure stood in the light but couldn't make out who it was. Though he could sense it was good soul. As he woke he felt bad again and so alone.

Even though Trowa was there he felt all alone inside. He needed something but wasn't sure what. The sad feelings of inadaquentcy were killing him. The feeling that no one cared and the ones he cared for he just couldn't live up to their standards. Not anymore he needed to escape his pain at least for a little while. Maybe that guy had the right idea.

Suddenly Quatre was bleeding. He had cut his wrist with a blade. He hadn't even realized what he had done. The blood began to drain and he felt so light headed. As he fell someone caught him then his went unconsece.

Trowa watched over him as he slept. He bandaged him up. Luckily the cut wasn't too deep. There probly would be a small scar though. Trowa was scared he needed to find a way to reach Quatre. He woke and saw Trowa wacting him. "Trowa?"

"Yes."  
"I'm sorry."  
"For what?"  
"I should have went somewhere else to do this."  
"Why do you want to hurt me?"  
"What? I would never hurt you Trowa."  
"Don't you think by killing yourself it hurts me?"  
"Trowa. I'll do better I promise."   
"Tell me what went wrong."  
"I'm not enough." Trowa went over to him and held him.

Quatre felt so safe in his arms. He felt good so good he wanted to tell him he loved him. As they parted the pain felt less. Trowa began to think and operation make Quatre feel better was about to go under way.

To be continued 


	4. Default Chapter Title

_Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam wing or any of the characters_

# Alone: Part 4

**By Backlash**

Trowa's Love for Quatre was so deep. It terrified him would if the next time he tried to hurt himself he wasn't there. He needed to help him deal with the pain that haunted him. Totally neglecting his own. Quatre has done the same for him many times. It's probly part of the problem. He's always there when the people he cares about need him. Everyone goes to Quatre but who does Quatre go to.

Quatre had come to the circus just to see Trowa. Yet he never approached him. Why maybe seeing a friendly face comforted him in some small way. Trowa was getting restless in his sleep.

Trowa was holding Quatre. They were laughing and kissing. Then all of a sudden when he looked down Quatre was dead. His wrists slit. He awoke with a start. Breathing heavily. Luckily he hadn't woke up Quatre.

They next day Trowa prepared a picnic . He figured getting Quatre out for a while would be good for him. He new the perfect spot too. A place by the lake. He missed Quatre's smile so much he needed to find a way to get it back.

Quatre thought the place was very beautiful as he told Trowa so. Trowa couldn't help but stare at Quatre's wrist. It made him flashback to the dream. He shook himself out of it though. "Trowa what's wrong?"  
"Nothing."  
"Trowa I can tell something is bothering you. It's not good to keep things inside."  
"You mean like you?"  
"All right I see your point."  
"Please tell me."  
"I don't know how to talk about myself."  
"Just go slow."  
"My father and sisters . I'm not who they want me to be. He said I was soft and too weak to be his son. I guess I should be what he wants. Maybe if I change."  
"No. You can be who people want. You can only be yourself."  
"I know your right but......."  
"It still hurts?"  
"Without my family I have no one."  
"that's not true I'll always be your friend." Quatre smiled. It warmed his heart to see Quatre smile. It was long over do.  


Quatre decided to do something special for Trowa. He decided to make a special dinner. As he was cutting a onion Trowa walked in and punched him in the jaw. "Trowa why did you hit me?" he looked at him the knife than the onion. He ran to his room and began to cry.

Quatre entered his room and asked, "Trowa what's wrong?"  
"I'm sorry. I saw the knife and..and."  
"You though I was going to off myself?" Trowa nodded. "What else?" "I keep having dreams where I'm holding and I look down and your dead."  
"Trowa look at me. Please don't cry. Hey I'm alive see. I am not going to kill myself."  
"Promise?"  
"I promise." Quatre put his hand on Trowa's cheek and then they kissed. They broke apart and looked in eachothers eyes. "I love you Quatre."  
"I love you Trowa."

To be continued........ 


	5. Default Chapter Title

_Disclaimer: I do not own gundam wing or any of the characters_

# Alone: part 5

**By Backlash**

Quatre was holding Trowa in his arms. He asked, "are you feeling better now?"

"Yes." Trowa touched Quatre's face and he flinched. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Don't worry about it I've had worse."

Trowa didn't like hearing that. Quatre was reverting to his role of taking care of everyone else but himself. That was not a good sign.

"Quatre I love you. I'm glad I was finally able to say it."

"Me too. I have wanted to tell you for a long time."

"Why didn't you?" he paused and added. "Nevermind I forgot who I was talking to."

"What's that suppose to mean?" 

"Quatre you are always there for everyone. But when it comes times for your pain you ignore it and keep it inside."

"Well it's not like you rushed to tell me." 

"It's not about that. We can't be together until you're well." 

"I'M NOT SICK. I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO THAT INSTITUTION." he yelled.

"Institution? what are you talking about?" 

Quatre was backing away. Fear was in his eyes he was terrified. "Please no." 

"Quatre what did he do to you?" he asked . Quatre ran out of the trailer in a panic. Trowa tried to find him. There wasn't a trace. They finally told eachother how they felt. Was it all lost? The only way Quatre was going to get better is if he let out what happened . The pain he carried was threatening to destroy him.

Quatre started to feel sick inside. He finally ended up in an alley as it began to pour down rain. He held himself . Finally he sank to the ground. He was freezing but didn't want to go back to Trowa. How could after storming out that way.

Two weeks later. Trowa was still searching for Quatre everyday after work. He figured since he didn't have any money that he must still be in the city. He decided to check the park where he found him before. He saw Quatre sitting on the bench as he did before.

Quatre looked up and saw Trowa. He began to back away. He turned to leave when Trowa said, "Please don't go. I'm sorry I hit you. I'm not like him." Quatre stopped immediately not wanting Trowa to think that.

Quatre went a few steps closer and said, "I never thought. Don't ever think that Trowa."

Trowa looked at him and he looked bad again. He must have stopped taking care of himself again. He began to shake with the fear that Quatre would hurt himself again. He fell to the ground. Quatre was by his side in seconds.

Trowa passed out in his arms. Quatre picked him up and carried him to his trailer. He covered him up and sat next to him. He watched over him all night. Until he finally fell asleep. When Trowa awoke he didn't understand how he got there. Then he looked over and saw Quatre asleep in the chair.

Quatre awoke to find Trowa siting up staring at him. Quatre tried to lighten the situation. "You know I think that park is cursed. Everytime I go there one of us pass out." he smiled. Trowa looked scared and Quatre didn't understand why so he asked, "what is frightening you so much Trowa?"

"You." Quatre thinks maybe that is his cue to leave. So he begins to leave but first says. "I don't ever want you to be afraid of me. Maybe I'll see you around. By Trowa." as he leaves Trowa grabs his arm. "You promised." he whispered and continued. "You promised you wouldn't kill yourself."

"I haven't." he answered.  
"Yet. Look at you Quatre you are slowly dying."

Trowa pulled Quatre into an embrace. He held him tightly . Quatre slowly put his arms around Trowa and returned the embrace. All of their emotion seemed to be going to that one hug when finally Quatre let go. He started to cry for the first time in a long time. "It's all right Quatre let go. Let it all out." 

Trowa held him for what felt like forever. They needed eachother. Would Trowa's love be enough to get Quatre through?

They broke apart and Quatre began. "About fourteen months ago. My father suspected I had feelings for another boy. He said it was unnatural and sent me to this place. They were suppose to cure me of my sickness as he liked to call it. This place was far worse than any oz prison. They used electro shock treatment. Other tortures as well. They beat you if you didn't progress in your therapy so I faked it. I just couldn't take that room anymore. It was so small I didn't want to be whipped anymore. My wounds were so fresh and the pain." 

Trowa held him as he spoke. Not knowing what else to do. Quatre continued. "when I got out. About a year later. I came home to my father and he continued to beat me. One day he heard me tell Rashid that I was in love with you. I told him I was afraid my father would kill me before I got to see you one last time. That's when he threw me out."

To be continued

feedback please. 


	6. Default Chapter Title

_Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam wing or any of the characters_

# Alone: Part6

**By Backlash**

Trowa had the look of hatred in his eyes. Quatre mistook it and backed away thinking it was aimed at him. "I'm sorry. I." Quatre ran out of there. "Quatre wait."

_He ran again. Why does he feel he has to run Dammit. I can't keep going after him. I will wait this time he has to come to me. I hope he does. I can't imagine my life without him. It hurts just to think of that as a possibility. His father better pray that we don't meet. To think my Quatre had to deny his feelings for so long. When he finally does acknowledge them he gets punished for it. For loving me. I feel as though it's my fault._

Quatre paced back in forth in the park. Not knowing what to do. He then saw a familiar face it was Duo. "Hey Q been looking for you." 

"Duo. What are you doing here?" 

"I told you looking for you."

Quatre told him about the situation. "Quatre you're free from him. Yet you live like your not. Don't let him take away what you've always wanted."

"what's that?" he asked.

"Trowa. You love him and now you have a chance to be with him don't ruin it. Don't let him destroy that like everything else. It's time to stop living in pain and to begin your life with Trowa."

"He deserves better."

"He deserves you. You think you've lost that sparkle you once had. Those of us who know the real you can still see it. Go to him."

"I'm afraid. Would if he hates me."

"Not possible. Now Go." Quatre smiled and said. "Hell with it. I can't let my father control me. Thanks." 

Trowa was sitting on the bed when Quatre entered. "Trowa." he turned to look at him. "Are you still mad at me?"

"What? I was never."

"I saw you Trowa you had hate in your eyes. You don't want to be with a mental case. I don't blame." 

Trowa approached him. He put his hand on his cheek and said. "That was not aimed at you. I could never hate you no matter what."

"I feel a but coming." 

"But Quatre you have to stop running from me. If there's a problem we can talk it out. I can't stand it when you run from me. I get scared your not coming back."

"I'm didn't mean to scare you. I might not be secure with myself for a long time. Are you sure you want to be around for that?"

"without a doubt." but he could see that Quatre wasn't so sure. Trowa put his arms around him and said. "I love you. It's worth it. You're worth it."

"I love you Trowa. I will never let anything come between us again. I promise." They kissed a soft and yet passionate kiss. As long as they stayed together they would over come any obstacle.

**

The End

**

[][1]

   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/Destiny0403



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